when bored, blog.

copied from somewhere...

An AF Form 781 is aboard all Air Force aircraft to record any malfunctions so maintenance personnel can fix the problem before the next flight. Here are some of the problems (P) as posted by the aircrews and solutions (S) of the maintenance personnel to clear the write-up:

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

(P) Test flight OK, but autoland very rough.
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal, other three propeller lack normal seepage.

(P) Something loose in the cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in the cockpit.

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.

(P) Distance Measuring Equipment (DME) volume unbelieveably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believeable level.

(P) Autopilot in “altitude hold” mode produces 200 fpm decent.
(S) Could not duplicate on the ground.

(P) Dead bugs on windscreen
(S) Live bugs on order.

(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick.
(S) That’s what its there for.

(P) #3 engine missing.
(S) #3 engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles funnny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

(P) Target radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed target radar to sing.